A few days ago, when I was in Defence Colony, I came across some Indian wine, and thought it might be nice to share a bottle with my roommates one evening. But when we went to open it, we realized that we didn’t have a corkscrew. Which is usually not a problem. Unless you’re in India.
We decided that tonight was the perfect chill-at-home-with-a-glass-of-red-wine type of evening, and that we would somehow find a way to get into that bottle, which had been sitting unopened on the kitchen counter for days.
First, I went out to find a corkscrew. I tried the very westernized convenience store (which has nutella!), but I asked two people and they didn’t know what a corkscrew was. We tried asking both our upstairs and downstairs neighbors, neither of which had a corkscrew.
At that point, we googled “open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew” and tried the technique where you put the wine in a shoe and bang the shoe against a wall. It generated little else besides fits of laughter at having to bang a shoe with wine in it against a wall.
Brian tried pushing the cork in. It wouldn’t go in. He tried pushing it in with the thing we use to light the stove. Nothing.
We looked further on google and realized that if we made a hole in the cork, the air would come out and we could get the cork to go in more easily. We tried making a hole with a massive paperclip that I happened to have with me from the states (thank you Crystal), but that started bending when it was halfway in.
We needed something as sturdy as a nail, but of course we didn’t have that. Then we realized that there were a bunch of old curtains that had been randomly sitting by the door since we moved in. We rummaged through them and Devin quickly unscrewed one of the biggest screws, washed it off (yay tetanus shots), and we tried to get it into the cork.
This is when I started taking pictures, because it just kept getting more and more ridiculous. I don’t know if it was our desire to have a glass of wine (which was now far past the casual Saturday wine and newspaper thing, and much more along the lines of Survivor: Wine Edition) or our determination to not fail after having gone this far, but we were fully committed to opening that wine.
So the screw was in the cork, and now we had to get the cork out. Brian started by gripping it between the handles of a pair of kind of odd, huge scissors he had found in the spice market with the word “FANCY” written on them. Once those stopped getting the right leverage, we tried tweezers, serving utensils with holes in the handles for hanging, and a variety of other tools.
Then we realized that we could also find something around the house that would hold the screw in place while we pulled the wine bottle. After searching around for a tight corner or fixture of some sort, we realized that the door had a chain on it, and the hole that held the top part of the chain was basically made for the head of a screw!
So we put the wine in our front door and pulled, and out came the cork!!
Indian wine never tasted this good.